Sitting here at work, listening to some Marvin Sapp, Gospel singer, and there are a couple songs of his that really spark the best in me, ironically one of the songs being called “Best in Me” and the other one called “Never would have made it”. I mean from the titles of the songs, you can pretty much tell that these are some hopeful and inspirational songs. Now I don’t see myself as an inspiration to anyone but maybe people see a lot of the positive and hope inside me. I try to live a positive life and always look to keep the negative out of not only mine, but those whom I care for. I pretty much felt this way for most of my life, but more so for almost the last 10 years of my life.
This coming fall, October to be exact, I will be celebrating an anniversary. Well I use the term celebrating very loosely, more like MARKS the point in which my life altered for what I thought would be a negative journey, filled with hardships and pain, but turned out to be a starting point filled with growth and what others call strength. 10 years ago, 2001, marked ups & downs in my life, coming off half a year of basketball, an MVP season mind you, out of school, CHICKEN POX (Thanks Derek) & of course finding out that the reason I can’t keep any food down, losing weight & severe stomach pains, were all coming from the fact I have the disease Crohns Colitis. It took a few months to determine what exactly was in fact causing all my issues and when an answer was found, had more questions on how to deal with this. CURE?? SURGERY?? HOW MANY PILLS?? CAN I WORK / SCHOOL / LIVE A NORMAL LIFE??? Now for my case, it was centralized in one area in my body, so it might not have been life threatening but it certainly changes your life, for one, I HATE pills lol, but luckily they worked for me, for a length of time.
I’ve gone from several different pills to infusions (Meds put into an IV drip and put into my blood system), to needles, to combinations of all. Physically, my body went through a lot of changes, at first going from 235lbs to 210lbs(195 being my lowest in my worst year), dizzy spells, fainting but mentally, I had my mind set on 1 thing, never letting the disease take full control over me. For one year, the disease almost won, for one year, no meds worked, I was isolated from friends, couldn’t work, kicked out of school and it looked like it might break the force field I created mentally. To this day, I am not sure how I made it through; I mean it almost had me cracked. Was it writing some poetry about what got me through, gave me hope, and helped the meds finally get through? Life truly is a mystery, 2005 marking the worse year of my life and half way through 2006 turning into the best year of my life (moving out, meeting the ONE).
Now to get back to what inspired me to write this blog, I am not really a religious man, I do believe in God, but felt it would be selfish to only turn to a higher power when it’s convenient. I know that’s not how it works, but that’s how I see it. To turn to something just because you need it but might not feel worthy or only because you can’t deal with it, I think that’s selfish. There are a lot worse off people out there who don’t get the luxuries I got even in my state. Although I never asked for His help, I do believe that He did see the Best in Me and I do believe He will never give you something he doesn’t believe you aren’t strong enough to handle. Maybe it was Him who helped me beat this disease mentally; maybe I Never Would Have Made it without Him. All I know is that I am here today and thank all those who were by my side this past decade and am truly happy you in my life. You all think I am strong for dealing with this, but in reality, you guys are my strength and this is my letter of THANKS…
Thank you
K
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